Hosting Handbook
“Who benefits more? The foreign students or our kids? It’s critical for our kids (and us) to have a more realistic sense of our true place in the world community. Nothing accomplishes this better than meeting people from other cultures and countries.”
“We loved our guest and had so much fun, it was wonderful to learn about their country and life.”
Participate in a unique and rewarding experience by hosting a youth leader from Bosnia and Herzegovina (BiH)! If you’re part of an interested and committed family, you live in the Salem, Oregon area, and you’d like to help make a difference, please contact us at ecarson@idebate.org, or go ahead and apply[link]!
Whether you’re a host family preparing for the program, or you’re considering hosting a student from Bosnia and Herzegovina (BiH), some helpful FAQs are answered below:
How are students selected for the exchange?
The students are carefully selected by the US Embassy in Sarajevo, BiH, based on their community leadership experience, commitment, and enthusiasm.
Is there a language barrier?
The students chosen for the program are fluent in English.
What is BiH like?
Read a little about BiH history, culture, and current affairs here [link]. BiH is home to three main peoples—Bosniaks, Croats, and Serbs—with different cultures and religions. Be sensitive, and do not assume anything about your student’s culture. Ask them to share their worldview, day-to-day life experiences, even their perspective on the other cultural groups within their country.
What am I expected to provide?
As a homestay family, you are expected to provide essentially what you would for your own family:
· A separate bed, in a separate bedroom or in a bedroom shared with a child of the same gender and similar age
· Three wholesome meals a day (lunch is provided on days spent at Willamette University) and snacks as required
· Hot water and facilities for bathing
· Laundry (you may expect a student to do his/her own laundry if you wish)
· Emotional support if the student suffers from homesickness, difficulties adjusting, etc.
· Inclusion of the student in family outings, trips to restaurants, special occasions, recreational activities and
· Access to the common living areas of the house
Are students given a trip allowance?
The Bosnian students are being supplied with funds to cover incidentals while here in Salem, and lunches are provided on the days students are on the campus of Willamette University. The funds will be given out on a weekly basis to prevent them from spending it all at once. If your family is going out for dinner or to a movie you should pay for the student. If the student chooses to eat in a restaurant or go to a movie with friends, and your family is staying home or meals are provided at home, the students should pay for his/her own. Basically, treat the student as if he/she was your own family member.
What problems could arise?
Students may suffer from several overlapping conditions for the first few weeks:
Culture shock: Culture shock is what people experience when they are suddenly immersed in a culture which is different from their own. “Culture” means the largely unwritten patterns of behavior that govern the lives of a particular group of people. Culture shock comes from the realization that basic assumptions about life and familiar ways of behaving are no longer appropriate or useful. Remember that your student is struggling with the following changes: language, climate, community, (in many cases) strange customs, food, home, family, behaving and showing emotions. It is worth noting that if you as a host family have had little or no experience in another culture, you then may experience some culture shock yourselves.
Jet lag: The Bosnian teens have traveled west through nine time zones. They may suffer from the effects of jetlag for up to two weeks, including sleeping problems, drowsiness at the wrong time of day, loss of appetite, general fatigue and disorientation.
Homesickness: Many students have left their family and friends for the first time, and they are far away. Natural feelings of homesickness may be further exacerbated by culture shock.
Loneliness: Students may feel very alone in this strange new situation. They may feel like outsiders in the community, even in your home.
Teenage mood swings: Even though they come from another country, they are still teenagers dealing with the physical and mental changes that all teenagers go through. At times you may find yourself on the emotional roller coaster so familiar to parents of teenagers!
All of the above may exhibit themselves in any of the following ways: quiet, unresponsive, withdrawn behavior, crying spells, isolation from the family (long periods alone in the bedroom), lack of appetite, despondent behavior, depression, anger, anxiety, moodiness, lethargy.
If you suspect that your student is suffering from any of the above conditions:
· Talk about it, explaining that it is perfectly normal, that it will get better in time, and that you would like to help.
· Plan some outings or activities together.
· Encourage your student to phone or write parents. Give them Internet access.
· Ask about his/her family and life in his/her country.
· Look at photographs together.
· Plan topics of evening conversations.
· Develop the habit of watching a weekly TV show together or
· Take walks together.
What rules should I have?
The student should be expected to follow whatever rules you have for other members of your household. Make sure your student knows what the family rules are, and you should set an age-appropriate curfew for weekend nights. The following are suggestions, some of which you may choose to adjust for the age of your student.
Students are:
· Expected to let you know where they are at all times.
· Expected to have chores or assist with some duties in the home.
· Not to be left alone overnight; adult supervision must be arranged if you are away from home.
· Expected to attend the program every day unless permission is granted by IDEA staff to miss all or a portion of the program.
· Limited to 15-minute phone conversations.
· Not allowed to leave the community overnight or for a weekend without your consent and knowledge of where the student is going and what adult supervision will be.
Host families may wish to make additional rules: shower/bathing, table manners, other manners, use of household appliances, limits on computer/Internet usage, laundry, bringing friends home, etc.
What about food?
American food can be a problem for international students at first. Certainly the food you serve in your home will be different from the food they are accustomed to in BiH. People worldwide derive great comfort from their familiar and favorite foods. Eating times, table manners, and methods of serving and presenting food will also be different for the students. Most students adjust quickly to an American diet but some take longer than others. Your student will probably be accustomed to fresh, not pre-packaged, home-cooked meals.
Suggestions: Give your students a tour of the kitchen and the refrigerator, naming unfamiliar items and explaining what they are for. Ask the student what different items are found in the cupboard and refrigerator at home. Talk about favorite foods and what is eaten at mealtimes at home. Take the student food shopping with you, especially to a large food store where various ethnic foods are available. We are encouraging the students to come to the US with a favorite recipe that they may be able to make for their American host family.
Note: In Bosnian culture, it is very rude to help one’s self in someone else’s home and kitchen, so the casual American “Make yourself at home” is not likely to be readily accepted. Your student will need some encouragement to know it really is okay to go to the fridge and help themselves.
Bathroom arrangements?
Please be sure to let the student know when and how to use the bath or shower.
Are the students religious?
Religion is an important part of American culture; however, your student may have different spiritual beliefs or no religious affiliation at all. Please respect the beliefs of the student just as you expect a person to respect yours. Differing beliefs combined with limited English skills can make conversations about religion difficult, so we recommend you do not dwell on the subject of religion. However, should a student decide to attend a church service with you, do answer direct questions asked of you, especially in regard to how the religious practice relates to life in the US. Students from BiH are likely to be Orthodox, Muslim or Roman Catholic. It’s quite possible that they do not actively practice any religion at all. One of our goals with the program is to demonstrate how people of all faiths have built and sustained a civil society in the United States. Make sure you find out what religion they practice and make sure they (and you) are comfortable with any discussions of religion.
Other important information
· No risky behavior.
· Students may not drive while participating in the program.
· Please respect alcohol laws. Remember, these students are minors.
· NO firearms, target shooting, hunting, etc. during the student’s stay.
· No ATV or off-road vehicle use.
· No horseback riding.
What if my student gets sick?
It is possible that your student may become ill at some point. In all likelihood it will be from exhaustion, stress or homesickness. Eating unfamiliar foods may also be a problem. Check to make sure the student has no allergies to common medications before you administer Tylenol. Your student may find American medical practices and medicines strange and prefer to use medicine from his/her own country. However, the same common sense applies to illness worldwide. A student who is ill should stay in bed and see a doctor if any condition persists more than a few days. In the event of a true emergency, the students are covered by a medical policy while here in the US. Inform the IDEA staff immediately if your student has to be taken to an emergency room. We will provide each family with a printed copy of current approved doctors, hospitals and pharmacies at the host family orientation.
How can I best prepare?
It’s a good idea to discuss the expectations of all family members before the student arrives. Children may think that the student will be like a new brother or sister or that they will become best friends. In fact this doesn’t happen very often. Sharing the same home does not guarantee that your own children and the student will have anything in common with each other. An honest discussion about the difficulties of forming a cross-cultural friendship, with the added barrier of language can save disappointment later on. The more you know about the country and culture that your student comes from, the better able you will be to understand and support him/her. You should at the very least, have an idea of where the country is[link] and what kind of environment your student likely comes from.
Suggestions:
Visit the library and check out some books about BiH. If you have the books on hand when the student arrives, they can be the basis of conversation about the country. Make a list of things to talk about and things to do during the first few days and weeks. Talk to an experienced homestay parent. Prepare a welcome for your student: a sign, a gift, flowers, or any small gesture of welcome.
Conduct with students
As a host family, you are the parents, NOT the best friends of the student. You are expected to act in a “kind and judicious” manner with respect to your dealings with your student. That means you must be the adult! A primary responsibility of the host parent is to care for the student and to keep IDEA staff informed of the student’s welfare. That includes informing us of the behavior of other students that may impact your student, and in making us aware of potentially dangerous or inappropriate personal relationships.
Issues with respect to hosting students include:
Safety.
· As host parents, you must be aware that safety is key. Students must be properly supervised at all times. Students should not be left alone overnight for any reason. If you plan to be away, make certain your student stays with an adult who has been approved by this program.
· Do not allow your students to be “wandering at large” at night, especially alone. The key is to make certain you know where your student is at all times. If a student asks to participate in a sleep-over, then make certain to check the particulars with the adult supervisors.
Relationship protocols.
As you know, different cultures have different protocols about personal space. We ask you to “be smart”. For your own protection, take a very careful approach to hugging, touching or showing affection to your student. Actions are easily misinterpreted by young people and others around you.
Examples:
· Japanese students rarely have a warm, physically demonstrative relationship with their natural parents. Therefore, be cautious in demonstrating physical affection until you are sure of your relationships with the student.
· Latin students are very demonstrative, as a general rule. Again, you must take a cautious approach.
· European and Latin American students often greet each other with hugs and kisses on the cheek; this is normal. In fact, many of these students consider Americans “cold” because they do not demonstrate this open affection. (Do not misinterpret overt signs of friendliness as being any more than that.) If we receive any kind of information about inappropriate conduct by any adult, then we must investigate. That is a legal requirement.
Please note these points:
· Adults should remember to dress appropriately while in the company of students.
· Adults should not use sexually suggestive language or tell off-color jokes in front of students.
· Overt or excessive displays of affection in public are completely inappropriate.
· Some students might want a family type of relationship with their host family and some may just want room and board. Don’t be hurt if the latter is the case. Each student is different.
If you have any questions or concerns we encourage you to seek answers or advice from the program coordinator.
Have fun and enjoy the amazing experience of hosting a student from BiH!
FAQs graciously provided by Mark Manno of 4-H at the University of Delaware